Getting Deep in the Woods

Against the current wisdom, I packed myself an extra large trunk and headed into the Michigan woods for a week to attend the largest all gal music festival in the United States. It is held the first week of August every year and has been since 1975. Some of the same ladies who went way […]

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Bye Bye BaGG

Don’t get me wrong. I was never standing in line to get into Bondage a Go-Go. Nor was I ever going early to get in cheap (if they even offer that). The last time I was there–years ago–the music sucked, the crowd was heteroppressive and boring, the drinks overpriced and the bondage weak. Very weak. […]

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I gotta go!

What kind of civilization only allows you to use the bathroom if you have money? i hate how you have to pay tribute to Muddy Waters before you can use their so-called rest room. I would hardly call it a rest. Every moment in there is like a mission impossible episode. You are lucky to […]

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Love Resume

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On a lighter note, I was rummaging around in my folders and found this old resume I wrote and submitted in response to a personals ad. Believe it or not, I got a date out of it, ha ha ha! Here it is:

SUMMARY

34 year old, funny, slightly cynical dyke looking for hot sex with a sexy, sarcastic, fun, artsy femme who appreciates cute Asian butch girls trying to find a date on Craigslist.

SKILLS

• Chauffeur experience with both truck and motorcycle
• Ability to cook really good scrambled eggs and hamburgers
• Good with animals, especially cats
• Excellent guitar player, singer, writer of dark rock, alternative post-punk songs with drummer pal in local two-piece band
• Expert in various types of relationships, including serious love affairs, flings, one-night-stands, and platonic friendships with underlying sexual tension

EXPERIENCE

Girlfriend, San Francisco, CA 1999-2000
Endured fiery, high maintenance, dancer femme who broke up with me every time she was pre-menstrual. Answered every booty call (3-4 times per week) promptly and efficiently no matter how late at night. Was forced to buy and wear thick-soled boots, so that she could wear heels and not be taller than me.

Girlfriend, San Francisco, CA 1996-1998
Endured rocky non-monogamous relationship with quirky book-obsessed, ex-go-go dancer, high maintenance femme who tried to pick up all sorts of people constantly, even on MUNI and at festivals. Escorted her back and forth from work every day to keep an eye on her.

Girlfriend, Ithaca, NY 1991
Came out with until-then straight goth girl, had short-lived, passionate affair, broke up in midst of homophobic friends and uncertainties of future.

Secret Admirer, Kingsport, TN 1975
Had secret crush on red-haired girl in first grade class. Also enjoyed playing with fire truck toy.

References available upon request.

starfish @ August 30, 2012